Because i'm not very fond of christmas, i spent my vacation reading russian newspapers: russians don't celebrate christmas until the beginning of january, so they report on the really important issues at the end of december: the great imperator putin. The rude imperator putin. Or – quite original – the rude emperor putin.
I went over to the service section and read: "when the forces to be patient are missing" – and that these forces were missing especially women. Exactly, I thought, finally someone is saying this! All those on-the-left-lane-creepers that make me late. My incredibly slow computer, which i wanted to throw out of the window. Or the employees of the german post office, who – in spite of a 50 meter queue – want to sell you an account at the post office bank in addition to the stamp.
Often, I read further, the phenomenon of impatience occurs when the lower abdomen is roughly tensed, for example when coughing. That seemed strange to me. But well, I thought, maybe russian women are just different in that respect. I watched the next cough very carefully for signs of impatience, but noticed nothing.
Only after another 100 lines did I realize that I had mistranslated the headline. It also means: "when the urine is not patient". Oha. 10.7 out of 1000 russian women are affected by this problem and they lose an average of 50 milliliters of urine. Because i didn't really want to know, i set off for a new year's eve party, or rather, to the domberg.
"Protect our world heritage! No fireworks!" emblazoned on a huge poster at the residence. My god, what a crude idea! My new year's eve was never more relaxed than this year! And my outlook never gets any better!
Until I innocently walked around the cathedral.
On the back wall of the cathedral there were seven young men who were, shall we say, relieving themselves against the cathedral. "Protecting our world cultural heritage!", i wanted to shout at them, but because they were swinging from left to right at the same pace, i loved to stay. Instead, I called ulrich forst from the dombauhutte: does this excitement of public disquiet also have consequences for the preservation of monuments?? "If it only happens once a year, the rain will wash it off", he reassured me. It would be worse for the cathedral if the roof truss or the bird's nests in the tower were to catch fire as a result of a bollard.
But you have to admit: the problem of the burning bird's nest pales in comparison to the horde of tortured, blister-weak young men in the country! That's when I remembered the russian article. What helps russian women will certainly help german men, i decided – and read on. The reason for the – I translate freely – bladder insufficiency, I learned, was the hard physical work of russian women – washing, beating carpets and gardening. The solution: manner had to help more with the housework.
I say! After all, an emnid study just last year showed that german men spend around 78 minutes a day on household chores, while women spend 149 minutes! Even if i gave a lot for a man who spends 78 minutes a day in the household: the difference is still completely unreasonable! Because a U.S. Study found:
Men who help out around the house have better sex.
And it will certainly strengthen the bladder muscles – the next new year's eve will be saved! Auber, the young men then use the time saved to deport boller on the domplatz. Then I come with the saved teflon-like urinary tract paste, which is in russia the bladder insufficiency-standard treatment method. And then it won't be any fun at all – neither for the bollards, nor for the urethras!